My greatest fear is that I am regressing,
I was doing well when we were together,
Opening up to people, trying to trust others.
I was softer, your love made me light, like helium.
My love for you made me tranquil, like valium.
My mind was full of good chemicals,
Rich with serotonin, low in cortisol.
Now, it gets by on caffeine and alcohol,
I am wasted in an oxytocin drought.
It used to rain, it used to monsoon here,
It poured with touches from your finger tips,
And kisses from your lips,
It flooded with the feeling of your head nestled on my breast,
And the sensation of my hands through your hair.
But the rain has since ceased,
And our intimate moments are washed away in a tropical dream.
I am alone in a desert,
Walking against the wind into the sand.
I see mirages of you everywhere I go,
I run after them, but they are not you,
only reminders of you.
You are gone.
You’ve fled for safety from my infliction,
I am sorry for stinging you with my poison,
I’ve always been a desert creature:
A scorpion with a full suit of armor.
Fascinating, but deadly.
With time you will filter out my toxins,
And the quiet will mend, what I can’t.
It is for your healing that I bow my head
To honor your silence.